Bright and Shiny

Last week was a tough week for me emotionally.  There were lots of tears and panic attacks and worrying about everything under the sun.  I can’t say that I don’t know the cause of it all.  I do. The THING isn’t really the problem though.  The problem is fear and the unknown, two beasts that I have yet to tame in my life.

I’ve been learning a lot going to my meetings for the clinical study, which is centered around Mindful Awareness. I’ve been learning to meditate and find peace through meditation. By the end of last week I was able to finally able to come to terms with all of my thoughts and feelings. I went through every scenario of my worst fears and, surprisingly, the worst case scenario is actually pretty palatable.

I know I have a long way to go and that there were be a lot more instances of me having to sort these things out, but it’s nice to have tools to work with now. I have also been able to decide what is really important to me and I can let go of anything that doesn’t fit into that category. This has made it really easy for me to decide what or who I want to deal with on a day to day basis. I think I have spent too much time working on relationships that don’t give back and not enough time on relationships that could blossom if I put more energy into them. This was a huge epiphany for me. I think learning how to let go has been my biggest accomplishment in the past few months.

 

More than Amblyopia

My Moe.  I love her.

We went to the eye specialist today and Molly has officially been diagnosed with Amblyopia. The easiest way for me to explain her condition is that early in her development, around the age of 1 or 2 he right eye was not focusing properly on objects. Eventually, her brain decided that it was no longer useful and stopped sending signals to her eye. Now, our job is to do some pretty intensive therapy to get that connection repaired. I was told that this is going to be a huge time commitment, not to mention financial. Therapies are pretty expensive (over $500 a month) and not covered by insurance. I can’t put a price on my child’s vision so I’ll gladly pay it. I’m very happy that this is something that can be corrected. Now we get to work! Molly will have her first therapy session in about a week or so. We will also be receiving a kit to work with her at home.

I wanted to share this here to remind everyone to have their children’s eyes checked, but if you miss something, don’t blame yourself! Molly had at least 3 eye screenings before this was discovered. She has never complained about her vision, she never showed signs of having issues with depth perception. I was even surprised when the doctor mentioned that it could have happened around 1 or 2 because at that time Molly was VERY interested in puzzles and activities that would have stimulated the use of her eyes.

Moe continues to be her happy go lucky self and has been taking this all in stride. Our appointment yesterday was pretty intense.  They put Moe through all sorts of tests and she didn’t complain once.  She loves people and having new ears to listen to all her stories and ideas. As her mom, it’s hard for me not to have this running dialogue in my head about where we are, where I want to be, and my fears of failure.  I’m working hard not to go there and realize that my kid is so much more than this one part of her life.  When I think about it, it’s been there all these years. A light has finally been shown on it and now I have to opportunity to fix it. I can’t express how thankful I am that I have that option.

 

Tuesday

I forgot to post yesterday because Thanksgiving is coming!! and I’m busy and boring so not much to say.  I did go to Moe’s Thanksgiving Feast.  She loved the pie, just like her mama.  Oh how I love pie!

I almost finished Fish’s sweater.  I’m going to go work on that right now.  I’ll have a pic to share soon!

Monday

Today was fine.  Fish and I did Thanksgiving shopping.  Kids had good days at school.

Tonight was not good.  Oldest is in trouble for making stupid choices.  I’m angrier than I should be.  Trying to keep calm, failing.

Sunday

Today was kind of an uneventful day.  We had the kids up way too late last night and Fish and I drank probably a little too much. We crashed into bed.  Moe ended up sleep walking a few times.  She would come into the room and have strange conversations with me.  Poor baby had too much excitement for one night apparently.

Today was a lazy day, for my family.  They all kept each other busy with Wizard 101, while I did laundry and cleaned and prepared breakfast, lunch, dinner and more monkey bread.  I feel like the lower the temperature drops, the more I cook.  Today started out at 20 degrees and warmed up to mid 30’s.  I didn’t bother going outside at all.  The girls did.  They lasted about a minute, ha!

Here is the monkey bread I made today…

 

The nuts are only on half of the bread because I’m the only one who likes them.  The reason I made another one is because yesterday I didn’t cut the rolls before using them and Fish thought they were too big.  Not like his mama would make.  I still had some rolls leftover in the freezer so I remade it with a loaf pan, instead of a bundt pan.  It was really good.  I agree, that it is better with the smaller pieces of dough.  Here is the recipe if interested…

Ingredients:

Frozen rolls (like Bridgford brand.  The kind that you need to rise and then cook, not brown and serve)

1/2 cup butter (melted)

1 cup sugar

2 teaspoons cinnamon

Chopped Pecans (optional)

 For a loaf pan I used about 12 rolls, if you are using a bundt pan, use around 20 – 24 rolls.

 Take rolls out.  Place them on a cookie sheet and cover with paper towel, let them thaw for around 2 hours.

 Grease your loaf or bundt pan.

 Put nuts at the bottom of pan.

 Mix sugar with cinnamon.

 Cut rolls into quarters.  Dip rolls into butter, coat well, roll them in sugar mixture.  Place evenly into pan.  Cover with paper towel, let rise for 2 – 3 hours.  Preheat oven to 350.  Bake bread for 25 – 30 minutes.  You want the rolls to be browned on top and sound hollow when you tap them.

Turn out of pan immediately

Saturday

Big breakfast happened.  I spent so much time smelling the food that we were cooking that I didn’t want to eat any of it.  If that makes any sense.

Fish took AC to gymnastics.  I puttered around the house and slowly got ready for the day.  It was cloudy and cool.  I kept meaning to get some knitting done, but other needs got in the way.

Sometime around late afternoon Fish ended up outside visiting with a couple of neighbors while the girls rode bikes and then the next thing I knew we were all hanging out around a fire visiting, eating appetizers and drinking beer and wine.  I contributed a mighty fine batch of monkey bread, that I didn’t get a picture of, but it was fantastic.  We didn’t get home until after 10 p.m., oops.  Quick baths and bedtime for the babies.  I might end the night with another glass of wine.

The saddest thing about renting is getting closer and closer to the neighbors you have and knowing you’ll have to move away from them soon.

Friday

This morning I met with Moe’s teacher and the Speech Pathologist at school.  We all believe that Moe would benefit from speech therapy so we are jumping through all the hoops to make that happen.  (there are a lot of meetings and paperwork that need to be completed in order for Moe to receive speech therapy).  Everyone has been really happy with Moe’s progress.  They said that she is a great student and also gets along really well with her classmates.  I was surprised to learn that she is really excelling in Math.  Moe has always been such a creative, artistic kid, I never thought of her as being analytical.  Overall, a good meeting.

Today Fish and I skipped working out and went grocery shopping instead.  I love shopping with him.  Even though he completely blows my grocery budget by buying items for “The Best Breakfast Ever”.  So tomorrow we will be having sausage, bacon, monkey bread, biscuits, eggs, hash browns, and probably something else he snuck in the cart when I wasn’t looking.

I probably won’t be partaking from much of the aforementioned breakfast as I am trying to break through a plateau.  Someone suggested I use the “Lose It!” app.  I downloaded it and it looks like it will be a great tool to keep myself on track.

The weather was very mild today.  Clouds are slowly rolling in for a storm that is expected to last throughout the weekend.  Tomorrow there is a Christmas parade in Raleigh.  We considered maybe going, but with the rain threat, we decided to just watch it on tv.

 

Thursday

Feeling much better today.  I ended up having a lengthy conversation with my MIL, that ended up being a mini therapy session.  Basically, motherhood sometimes plays with my head.

T25 workout today, Abs Interval.  Ugh, I hate this one.

I had more time to knit today while this kids were at school.

Everyone is home now.  Trying to keep them from starving without ruining their appetites for dinner.  Kind of hard to do when they come home at 4 p.m. and want to eat the entire pantry.

Falafel Pitas with creamy cucumbers tonight.

Wednesday

Worked out.  My least favorite.  Total Body Circuit.

Shopped for flannel sheets for the girls.

AC came home early with a tummy ache.

Feeling kind of low today.  I call it light blue.

Going to make dinner and love on my family…

Tuesday

Today began with drama.  As we were heading out the door to take the littles to school, I realized that I didn’t check AC’s homework folder the night before.  She had a math worksheet to do.  She quickly completed it and we left for school just 10 minutes later than scheduled.

A quick trip to Trader Joe’s.  Candy cane Joe Joe’s are available now.  My family doesn’t really like them, so I didn’t get any.  Weirdos.  I did get a bunch of honey crisps, hummus (hummus and apples!) and my new favorite, Pumpkin seed/Cranberry Pita chips.  Fish found his favorite, Kimchi Rice and I picked up Naan, Roast Pepper/Tomato soup and chimchurri rice for lunch.

Second day of working out.  T25, Speed.  This is my favorite workout.  I wish that I could do this every day and I would, if Fish and I haven’t decided to commit to doing the complete program.

Our house is falling apart.  The dryer died last week and Fish MacGyver’d it back to life.  The garage door opener decided to stop working yesterday and while the repairman was working on fixing it today, our printer decided to stop printing properly.  So, instead of working on my latest knitting project, I cursed at the printer for an hour because I couldn’t get an invoice to print for an order that I needed to mail out today.  I finally got the printer to work and still had time to watch an episode of The Good Wife before having to pick up Em from school.

Here you can see my knitting project in progress.  Fish has shrunk out of a sweater I made him in the past, so I’ve been breaking down his old sweater, soaking and drying the yarn and re-knitting a new sweater.  I’m hoping to have it complete in the next week or so.

Tonight’s dinner, Beef Roast, fingerling potatoes and lemon green beans.  Everyone loved it.