Bright and Shiny

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Last week was a tough week for me emotionally.  There were lots of tears and panic attacks and worrying about everything under the sun.  I can’t say that I don’t know the cause of it all.  I do. The THING isn’t really the problem though.  The problem is fear and the unknown, two beasts that I have yet to tame in my life.

I’ve been learning a lot going to my meetings for the clinical study, which is centered around Mindful Awareness. I’ve been learning to meditate and find peace through meditation. By the end of last week I was able to finally able to come to terms with all of my thoughts and feelings. I went through every scenario of my worst fears and, surprisingly, the worst case scenario is actually pretty palatable.

I know I have a long way to go and that there were be a lot more instances of me having to sort these things out, but it’s nice to have tools to work with now. I have also been able to decide what is really important to me and I can let go of anything that doesn’t fit into that category. This has made it really easy for me to decide what or who I want to deal with on a day to day basis. I think I have spent too much time working on relationships that don’t give back and not enough time on relationships that could blossom if I put more energy into them. This was a huge epiphany for me. I think learning how to let go has been my biggest accomplishment in the past few months.

 

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