March 8, 2011 – Up In Here

You may have noticed that my posts have been kind of lacking.  Not a whole lot to read and rather boring.  It’s OK, I’m fine with that.  It’s not because there isn’t anything for me to write about.  Maybe it’s the fact that there is so much going on, mostly in my head, that it’s just too much to share.  Who wants to come here and read a downer of a post?  You do??  Well, today is your lucky day!

I’m a mess.  My idle is sadness.  Meaning, if people are keeping me busy in conversation, if I’m momming, interacting with others, I’m happy happy.  I can laugh and converse with a smile and truly enjoy the moment.  Then, in my quite moments alone, all I want to do is cry.  I don’t even know why most of the time.  I just feel downright sad.  Maybe it’s the guilt I feel about not telling my parents about our plans, or the guilt of how they will take the news.  I don’t know if this is a subconscious turn of events but we’ve been doing a lot with my parents in the past few weeks.  Every time we get together I have these moments where I almost spill the beans.  Just throw it down on the table and let the chips fall where they may.  I think they deserve better than that.  I just don’t know what better is.

Another reason I haven’t been around to say much is that I’m busy.  Soooo very busy with work.  We have a tight budget if we want to make this move this summer.  Now that gas prices are skyrocketing I want to contribute as much as I can to get us across the country.  Fish and I have mulled over the idea of waiting one more year, but in the grand scheme of things, this won’t make much of a difference.  The sooner we move the better.  We know this isn’t the place for us to be and we need to get started with living somewhere else.

 

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4 thoughts on “March 8, 2011 – Up In Here

  1. Sometimes we stress ourselves out over nothing…well it’s not nothing, its just not as “bad” as we think they are.

    Do you have a plan on when to tell the parents about the move? Do you think it would be better for them to have more time to adjust to the move, or would that prolong them trying to convince you to stay?

  2. So sorry you’re sad. We’ve all been there. You’ve got a heckuva lot going on. Hope the fog lifts soon, honey! Sending lots of love.

  3. Jenn
    I can totally relate to all your feelings. The stress of the unknown with the move alone is very very hard. You guys are making this move for a very good reason and once you get there and get it over with a lot of pressure will be relieved.
    I 2nd what Becca said. It might be easier if you guys sat down with your parents and spilled the beans so to speak and explain your reasons. I know they will be hurt and sad but once they hear your reasons I think they will understand.
    HUGS!!!!

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