*Please ignore the excessive gum chewing in pictures.
Last Tuesday Pixie began preschool. I wanted to have high hopes about her first day and I very well would have if we hadn’t gone through the drama of karate in the past. I talked to Pixie about how her first day of school was coming and wasn’t she excited? She would get a mile long stare and not respond. I knew this probably wasn’t the best sign but I chose to ignore it.
The night before Pixie’s first day of school she asked me if I would be going bye bye. Would I be leaving her at school? I said, yes, I would be leaving her at school. She seemed OK with this. Tuesday came and we took our time getting ready in the morning, class begins at 11:30 a.m. We walked to her class together (the school is across the street from our house) and I walked her into the classroom so she could put her snack in her cubby. Pixie didn’t have much of any emotion on her face, but she was saying something that I couldn’t hear. Whenever I lean down to hear Pix, she leans down on her knees too, thinking we’re all supposed to do this. While I find this extremely cute, sometimes it’s annoying when I just want to bend down and hear her soft voice. I finally was able to make out what she was saying, “Why are you in here????” I had told her I wasn’t going to be in class with her, so why was I there???!!!??? I told Pix I just wanted to show her the cubby and I’m going home now, she could go find a toy to play with. As I left her class I saw her reaching for a favorite toy. This seemed maybe too easy.
I went home to spend the afternoon with Sprite, who couldn’t figure out where her sisters were, but she was happy to have the time alone. I kept checking the phone, worried that something might go wrong for Pix. I’m not very productive when nervous. I just kind of bumped around the house getting nothing done.
2:30, Time to pick Pixie up. I arrived at the classroom and peeked into the windows. I saw Pix sitting at circle time half heartedly participating with singing and dancing. Just then, one of the aides waved me over and told me that Pix had started crying just after I left. She cried for 2 hours and then fell asleep. My heart sank. I felt so awful. It makes me want to cry now just typing it. I’ll admit, I have a soft spot for Pixie. She’s such a teeny little thing. When I know she is hurt or upset it tears me up. Pixie ran out of the class and gave me a hug. She showed no emotion whatsoever. Had the aide not told me, I never would have known how upset she had been. This chipped away at me even more.
Tuesday morning I was a bundle of nerves. I tried so hard not so show it. I talked to Pixie more about school. She told me she cried because she missed me, but she was going to try not to do that anymore. I wrote her a note for her to look at when she’s missing me. I told her that I miss her too, but she’s going to have a lot of fun and I’ll see again soon. She seemed to be ready for this.
We walked to school and as soon as we entered the classroom, the tears started. I had to walk away with Pix crying for her mama. My heart ripped in two and I spent the next 3 hours puttering around the house and coping. I had called my parents the night before to tell them about Pixie’s first day and it literally made my dad cry. Pix and him have a special bond and he was as torn up as me. I didn’t want to bother them anymore so I just annoyed Fish with all my worry. When it was time to pick up Pixie, I ran over to the school and peeked into the window again. She seemed more animated and happy to participate. The aide saw me again and gave me a huge smile and a thumbs up sign. She told me there were about 10 minutes of tears and then Pixie did great. She was so proud of her.
The third day. We skipped to school. I threw Pix in the classroom and I went home. I found out later that she had an even better day and not a tear was shed. My Pix, I love you so. You’re my brave little flea who is much stronger than I give you credit for. You’re making Mama proud in so many ways. Congratulations, my little Preschooler!