I have to decide if I want to be thinner and mostly miserable, or fat and happy? This is more than just vanity because there is an underlying medical condition that I am up against. A couple of months ago I decided to stop ignoring all of the symptoms of hypoglycemia and insulin resistance. I went to the Reproductive Endocrinologist who had first diagnosed me with insulin resistance 5 years ago when I was dealing with infertility. A thousand dollars and many blood tests later, he confirmed that I have insulin resistance and metabolic issues that result into hypoglycemic episodes in which I feel like I’m going to pass out if I don’t eat every 2 hours.
He prescribed Metformin and I ran to the pharmacy to pick it up. I’m not new to Met. I took it before getting pregnant with Pixie. Met turned out to be my miracle fertility drug, so I wasn’t on it for very long. I do remember the side effects. I experienced those again, but the nausea has been a lot stronger this time around and I’ve had some feelings of fatigue also. Basically I feel like I’m in the first trimester of pregnancy, tired, queasy, blah.
The upside to Met, is weight loss and also my metabolic issues are being addressed. I don’t crash after eating like I did before, BUT since I have the fatigue I don’t feel like I’m reaping that benefit. My plateau of weight loss was broken when I started the Met and now I’m down a size in clothes. I had already completely revamped my diet months ago, but I was plateauing because of the problems I was dealing with. Unfortunately, the side effects were really bringing me down. I didn’t feel like doing half the things I wanted to. This was the beginning of summer vacation and it took everything in me to join the girls in the fun activities that I had planned for them.
At the beginning of this week I decided to stop taking the Met and see how I feel. I felt like my old self again. My energy was improving, I didn’t feel sick all the time. I’m terrified of not losing any more weight, I’m more terrified of gaining the weight back. I’m tired of the weight. I hate how I look. I don’t even consider it vanity, it’s just fact that the weight makes me unattractive. I cold go on and on about how much I hate how I look but that would be a whole other post that nobody wants to read. I can’t take any more calories out of my diet without being unhealthy. My goal has always been to change my habits to healthier eating, so I can power through any plateaus and not fall back. I don’t believe in the lose weight quick through deprivation because I can’t sustain that forever.
SO, I don’t know what to do. My fear of backsliding forced me to start taking my Met again today. I feel so so. If I want to lose weight on my own I’ll have to add a lot more hours of working out to my schedule, but I don’t know where to fit that in. When I’m not being mom to the kids, I’m working on orders for my shop. I’m miserably behind on that also. I do incorporate the kids’ play into being active. We walk over to the school in the evening and run around the field, play ball, those sorts of things. So, Fat and Happy or Thinner (I’ll never be what I consider THIN) and Miserable? What would you choose?