Up to Snuff?

This weekend we traveled to Fish’s parents house.  The week prior to this trip was a complete nightmare for me and it really has had me questioning whether or not I am the best parent for Clarabelle.  I feel like I might really be messing up, but  I don’t know any other way to do what I’m doing.  She has been doing really good without the medicine but has started to focus on one thing or another in a negative way.  Right now she is terrified of traveling in the car.  Actually, NOW she is no longer terrified, but last week she was a mess.

She cried all day, everyday, telling me that she couldn’t travel because she would get sick and throw up.   I offered to give her motion sickness pills and that sent her into a tizzy about how she didn’t want to take medicine.  I told her we would take crackers and 7 Up and she freaked out about eating in the car.  I offered her anything I could think of, to no avail.  By Wednesday, I stopped empathizing and started to anger.

I threatened Emily with punishment if she continued to cry about the trip and I refused to listen to her fears any longer.  I couldn’t help myself, I was DONE.  She probably suffered quietly, I don’t know.

I was very proud of her for getting into the van and taking that trip with us, but the angst to get there really wore me out and made me question myself as a parent.  I don’t know if I’m equipped for the next round.  I’m not sure how to prepare myself for it either.


2 thoughts on “Up to Snuff?

  1. Oh man. That sounds like it was tough to bear! I’m not sure I would have handled it any differently than you did, except maybe I would have lost patience much more quickly. 🙂 Honestly, I have marveled many times at how patient you can be with all your kids and how perfectly you seem suited to their personalities. I know that feeling of wondering if you are the right person to parent this little person who happens to share your DNA; every parents knows that feeling. Every SANE parent does, anyway.

    Want to hear about the check-up Annalie had recently where she spent about an hour sobbing noisily at the doctor’s office because she was so worried about having to get shots? It started in the crowded, busy waiting room about 20 minutes before we were even called back, and continued while she was being weighed, while the Dr was examining her, waiting at the immunization clinic, while some nice guy who worked there let her pick out stickers in an effort to cheer her up, while the nurses were giving her the shots, afterward while she picked out more stickers, while the nurses praised her, and while we sat in the waiting room for 15 minutes afterward just to make sure she didn’t have a reaction to the shots. She didn’t calm down till right before we left, and even then it was those shaky sighs that just break your heart. All of this despite me talking calmly to her, talking about what the shots would feel like, the bandaids she’d get, the diseases she would be protected from, etc. Usually logic works a treat with her but this day nothing worked. The poor kid was trying so hard to be brave but it was still really hard for me to stay patient with her. Later at home she told me, “You know, I’m really glad I got those shots because now I know they don’t hurt so much.” I gritted my teeth and said, “I’m glad, honey.” Then I found a brick wall and banged my head against it a few times. 🙂

  2. Boy do I know where you’re coming from. I sometimes feel as though I’m bracing myself for the next ::something::. And I too anger when what I think should work doesn’t. It’s a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. All we can do is forgive ourselves and move on. It’s not healthy to hang on to these yucky feelings. I try to just ride it all like a wave. :::hugs:::

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