I Give Up

I tried taking Pixie to Karate again yesterday, with her class.  It was horrible and I’m completely over it now.  I give up, I surrender.  The whole incident led to one emotional disaster after another for me yesterday evening.  I hate feeling that way.

Now, there are swimming lessons to figure out.  Clarabelle, HAS to learn how to swim this summer.  After almost drowning during a swim party recently, I think it’s time.  Once again, I’ll be dealing with a freaked out kid who doesn’t want to do something that I have to force her to do.  Then Sprite and Pixie will follow with their own complaints on the matter.  I’m looking forward to the other side of this hurdle.

My doctor finally got back to me after all the bloodwork I had 2 weeks ago.  My suspicions are correct.  I still have insulin resistance issues that are also affecting my metabolism.  I start Metformin tomorrow.  I’m looking forward to losing weight, FINALLY.  I’m expecting great results as I have been eating so much better and have added a lot more physical activity to my every day.

I’m in a funky place right now.  I feel stretched in a million different directions.  I feel lonely a lot lately.  Out of sorts, out of time, out of breath.  Hopefully something gives soon and I can feel more than just existence.

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4 thoughts on “I Give Up

  1. I’m sorry life is so funky and stretched-out right now, and that Pixie is still freaking out about karate (something she used to love!) and that you are anticipating more freaking out about swim lessons. I sympathize from both the perspective of one who freaked out a lot as a child, and of a mom who had to practically sit on top of her child for two hours yesterday to get her to write THREE LOUSY THANK-YOU NOTES, with a tantrum thrown in the middle for fun. If I still lived there I would totally be planning a spa day with you right now. 🙂

  2. Thank you for making ME feel normal, ha! When I see other kids jumping in feet first to all of these activities with nary a tear or hesitation, I keep wondering if somehow *I* messed up my kids. When I’m in a better place I do acknowledge that these kids are very much me and their father. I was such a sensitive kid, as was Fish, but our moms were tough as nails and would really push us well beyond our comfort zones. I don’t have the heart to go there with my kids. I’m dancing that fine line of “get over it”, while in my head I’m thinking, “you’re going to break them!!!”

    Spa day sounds like heaven right now. Where should I meet up with you? 😛

  3. i found you through a comment you made on elaine (wannabehippie)’s blog…recently i’ve been looking for mommy bloggers more like myself and i haven’t gotten far into your blog but “i give up” seems like a place i can begin relating! ha! i have two very spirited children (2 and 4) who always think and act outside of the comfort level of most people they are around…they often “bug” kids and adults feel i don’t control them enough but, like you, i can relate with trying to find that balance of helping them feel understood and not breaking their spirit without “giving up” or breaking my own…i look forward to following your blog and searching for answers to these and many more mommy things together!

  4. Hi Denise,

    Thanks for stopping by. Maybe we can sew our white flags of surrender together, haha.

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