I have to talk about DISNEYLAND. DISNEYLAND! It was, how should I put this, probably the best time ever we have had as a family. To most, this is a big DUH, but to me it’s a big FOR REALS?????
For the Littles it was expected to be fun and amazing and all those great things, but this was Clarabelle’s moment to show us what she is made of. Keep in mind that when we first started seeing the shrink we were told that our future may not include Clarabelle going on family outings like Disneyland. That this could be too overwhelming and our perception of fun and exciting could be terrifying for our daughter. It took me a long time to come to terms with this. I didn’t want to picture a lifetime of splitting up our family and all the guilt that would entail. I know I needed to suck it up and embrace the “new normal” (I HATE that term by the way, but it is what it is), but I didn’t want to. I wanted the cookie cutter normal, where we ALL pile in the van and spend a day together, laughing, hugging, joking, loving, bickering (of course!), and trudge back home with happy memories to share later.
I even thought about holding the Zoloft weaning until after this trip, but I gave myself a pep talk and reminded myself about that fire that I had to go through. Many moms have and DO go through a lot worse than this you puss, your kid has gotten through a hell of a lot, give her the strength she needs to push back the anxiety and the OCD. GIVE IT TO HER. and I did. and she took it and ran. and never looked back.
So we rode rides, and laughed, hugged, joked, loved, bickered (of course!) and trudged back home with happy memories to share later.
I also need to add that this day was made possible by my loving and generous parents, who came along to help out if needed and also paid for a whole lot of this trip. I love them so.