Oh Dear

I’ve worn contacts (now glasses) since I was 13.  When I was 16 I noticed that there was a black spot in my vision.  At first I though there was something wrong with my contacts.  After thorough cleaning and checking for fit, the spot was still there.  I finally brought it to my parents’ attention and they immediately took me to the eye doctor.  After seeing multiple specialists, I was diagnosed with atrophy of my retina.  I was told it would progress to legal blindness, but it would take until my 50’s.  My parents’ freaked out.  I was in shock.

It took me a while to comprehend what was happening and I eventually broke down.  The fear of the unknown was unbearable at times.  I started to suffer from panic attacks and, due to a lot of tests and poking and prodding to find a diagnosis, I became very sensitive to even the most simple of medical procedures.

Before any of this happened we had planned a family road trip to visit relatives in PA.  It was a nice distraction from what we were dealing with.  Also, this was my first taste of North Carolina.  We visited two different family friends on our way through the state.  I fell in love with everything there.

Anyhow, after our two week visit, we were driving back home when I looked out the window of the car and noticed that the black spot was no longer in my vision.  I looked and looked and it was no where to be found!  We scheduled an appointment with the doctor who diagnosed me.  He looked and looked, brought colleagues in to look and review pictures they had taken prior, and scratched his head.  Retinal damage does not heal, YET, there I was, sitting in his office with no retinal atrophy visible.  A miracle of sorts.

Fast forward to today.  My left eyelid has begun to droop considerably more than my right eyelid.  I’m not sure what that is about.  I can’t get it to open up to save my life.  It’s like there is no muscle there any more.   I’ve been experiencing difficult night vision.  More recently, it feels like I just can’t get my left eye to focus as well as my right.  I’m worried about history repeating itself, but I’m kind of frozen in fear.  I’m afraid to go to the doctor and have my fears confirmed.  Also, not having insurance, I don’t want to go to the doctor and find a pre-existing condition that will keep me from getting the insurance I’m trying to re-apply for.  THIS JUST SUCKS.  the end.


5 thoughts on “Oh Dear

  1. Eek. Oh dear indeed! But you know it won’t get any better with time, and your health isn’t something to mess with. You know if this were Fish, you’d be bugging him to get to the doctor, right? 🙂 I hope it turns out to be something not-serious and easily fixed that won’t affect your insurance!

  2. Goodness! That does suck. Perhaps once you have the insurance you can get up the courage to go see a doc. I can come and hold your hand! 🙂
    It sounds like a very different problem though – maybe you just need your vision tested and new glasses made.

  3. I can certainly understand why you are freaking out! I would too!
    Could the previous spot be from smog? reaching out in left field for an explanation.
    Insurances stink, that is for sure! My eye doc told me just months ago (when Anna got glasses) that Vision insurance is going to be a thing of the past pretty soon. He said most employers have cut it already in this crappy economy. Your vision is oh so important, I would certainly hopee you could find a local doc who would take payments.
    Do you wear your glasses all the time? and at night? maybe you just need a new prescription made like Sonja said above.

  4. I know exactly what you mean about the pre-existing condition thing. I need foot surgery and saw a doctor about it prior to having insurance, so now I’m worried if we’ll ever be able to afford getting my gigantic genetic bunions removed. 😦

  5. Are you having any double vision? That’s how mine started. Luckily a pill is all it takes…mostly to keep my vision straight.
    email is you want to discuss.

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